Why do we suffer?
When we become inundated with different pressures in life, we often ask ourselves this question. Suffering is prevalent in every aspect of our daily lives, from physical to mental and emotional. We may even experience what we recognize as spiritual suffering. But what exactly are these things?
Physical suffering seems straightforward. When we feel unwell or are sick, we recognize our physical suffering. This can range from subtle annoyances such as headaches, dizziness, and fatigue to extreme pain experienced by cancer patients who require terminal care. In the pre-modern era, history teaches us about various brutal acts, such as torture and other inhuman cruelties, which also cause physical suffering. Moreover, starvation and illness are also associated with physical suffering. Unfortunately, various types of warfare humans engage in are also linked with physical suffering.
What about mental and emotional suffering? We could also refer to it as psychological suffering to cover both. One thing is clear: physical suffering always entails mental suffering. The mind and body are interconnected; as your body suffers, so does your mind, and vice versa. If we are constantly under physical pressure, such as starvation, illness, or even warfare, we inevitably become exhausted, not only physically but mentally and emotionally. In short, we may become traumatized. PTSD is a manifestation of physical experiences in our minds and emotions.
Is physical experience a necessary condition for psychological suffering? It can be a part of it, but not entirely. As we can see, physical comfort does not necessarily protect us from mental and emotional suffering. Ironically, many people in this postmodern era suffer severely from psychological disorders, even in physically safe environments. Moreover, we can harm ourselves physically due to mental and emotional suffering, such as self-neglect, self-harm, or even suicide. Alternatively, we may cause physical and psychological suffering to others by abusing, attacking, harassing, or through any possible acts of intimidation.
That’s why we often feel unsafe despite our comfortable modern life. Our brains keep alarming us as if we are trekking through a jungle or savanna under the possible attacks of various predators. Even as knowledge workers in an office, we are still consciously or unconsciously – as our brains recognize – hunter-gatherers and tribal warriors in the fight or flight extremity. Just as we cannot sleep safely in the center of a jungle or savanna, modern people often cannot sleep safely at night due to what our brains falsely believe are physical threats stemming from our mental and emotional sufferings.
Can we eliminate all these sufferings?
At least for physical sufferings, our human history shows a series of efforts, some of which were even heroic and courageous, in overcoming these sufferings. We no longer see inhuman brutalities, and many people have shared the concept of human rights globally, although there is still room for improvement. However, as mentioned above, this progress cannot entirely mitigate our mental and emotional suffering. Our brains cannot yet differentiate whether in a battlefield or a cozy office if the same fear exists. In either case, we suffer from constant, unnecessary adrenaline rushes, which can damage our bodies in the long term, leading to chronic illness, which in turn again damages our minds. We are indeed caught in a vicious circle.
Eliminating various physical pains throughout human history is undoubtedly one of the victories we have gained in our civilizations. However, it is not enough to eliminate the full spectrum of human suffering. All humans suffer indiscriminately, regardless of their physical conditions. Even the Buddha, while still a prince in his luxurious clan, suffered from witnessing those severely suffering from living, aging, diseases, and death. He even tried to subject himself to physical suffering through extreme asceticism, such as eating only one grain of rice a day, to the extent that he could touch his spine from his belly. But his voluntary sufferings did not provide him with any answers as to why we suffer. He spent forty days and nights meditating under various temptations, which were more related to mental and emotional suffering.
Jesus also suffered for forty days and nights, not only physically through fasting but also mentally and emotionally, due to various temptations from the devil. The devil asked Jesus if he could turn stones into bread to stop his physical suffering from starvation. He also asked Jesus why he shouldn’t jump from the top of the temple to test divine guidance, which might alleviate his mental suffering from uncertainty. Lastly, the devil asked Jesus to follow him to control the world together, giving him a sense of power and mitigating his insecurity. However, all these solutions were false. We cannot escape our sufferings through such superficial efforts. The temptations of seeking power, wealth, and even superficial health often manifest in our suffering. Our sufferings make us desperate to seek false solutions.
Even Buddha and Jesus suffered various things, including temptations and false resolutions. However, they eventually realized that false efforts to eliminate suffering only amplify further suffering. This is because, in these efforts, we only suffer by indulging in our suffering.
However, they still needed to experience suffering.
What if both were special exceptions who never knew the nature of suffering? Can we respect, admire, and worship them because of their suffering-free existence? The Buddha reached enlightenment and the realm where he was free from suffering. But we all know that he suffered a lot. One of his manifestations is called Bodhisattva, a compassionate Buddha who stayed with those who suffer to suffer together. Similarly, Jesus is the son of God, as God loved the world and gave his only son. Despite this, we all know he suffered greatly. He died to take away the sins of the world and all sufferings. His crucified image is a testament to his suffering and dying like us and with us.
Why do we suffer?
What if we asked Buddha and Jesus the same question? What would be their answer? They would answer as follows:
Why do I suffer? Because suffering makes me compassionate.
That sounds counterintuitive. As we often see, traumatic experiences can result in the so-called fawning response, self-pity, and various symptoms of PTSD. This is true in one aspect. We will continue to suffer if we keep indulging ourselves in our suffering with a self-centered and self-absorbed perspective. Both Buddha and Jesus also went through this stage. They pitied themselves too. The Buddha underwent extreme self-harm before his enlightenment, and Jesus prayed and agonized in the Garden of Gethsemane. They suffered a lot and suffered from indulging in their suffering. The pain of the Crucifixion must be unimaginable and traumatic for anyone.
True compassion and forgiveness exist beyond these extreme pains and are only accessible to those who have experienced them.
Why do we suffer?
This question often arises from our self-talk, as our brains perceive threats as real. We can intentionally or unintentionally keep ourselves in this painful mental and emotional state. However, we do have a choice: to practice self-compassion and extend compassion to others.
Are you experiencing extreme pain and suffering? Let us kindly and mindfully exit this imaginary hell and begin to love ourselves and others. Let us ask ourselves gently:
Why do we suffer? Because suffering can make us compassionate.
We can love ourselves because we have experienced significant suffering. We can also love others because we know they have experienced suffering.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Matthew 5:4
Image by Sabine van Erp
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