You often hear the encouragement:
You should be the one to drive your life since it is ultimately yours and no one else’s.
It sounds empowering, even liberating. But while there is some truth in this statement, it is also one of the great fallacies we tend to believe.
As children, we never thought in such terms. Life was simply “life”—neither ours nor anyone else’s. If adults asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up, we answered with innocent spontaneity, without much thought: a baseball player, a pilot, an astronaut, a doctor, or an engineer—based only on what we knew at the time. The adults would respond encouragingly:
That’s great! Dream big and aim high. To achieve your dreams, you need to study hard.
The implication?
Drive your life diligently.
Then comes adolescence, a time of deeper reflection. The idea that “this is your life,” and you must take charge becomes more ingrained. If you are fortunate enough to have a dream and supportive parents, this belief is reinforced—study hard, work your best, and achieve your goals.
But if you don’t have a clear dream or direction, you might feel lost, realizing that your childhood aspirations were naive. Under pressure, even overwhelmed, you desperately search for a purpose, convinced that you must drive your life, even if you have no idea where to steer it.
The Myth of Self-Direction
In the premodern world, such existential dilemmas were rare. One’s occupation was almost predetermined by family and community. Most people did not believe they should be the ones driving their own lives. Life was seen as something given, governed by God, tradition, or a higher order—something beyond the individual.
The modern and postmodern world changed this perspective. Using Nietzsche’s words, it was the moment when “God died.” In doing so, we were suddenly “forced” to recognize that life was no longer His, nor dictated by tradition—it was thrown into our own hands. The voice of the God we killed seemed to echo back:
Life is yours, my child! You must drive it alone.
The wave of secularization spread, reinforcing the belief that life belongs to the individual. As children, we lived in a world somewhat similar to the premodern one, where life was not seen as something we “owned” but as something that “was.” But with modern influences—through our parents, schools, and society—we were constantly reminded:
It’s your life. No one else’s. You must be ready to take control and drive it well to succeed.
But Here’s the Truth
Life should never be used with a possessive pronoun—”your” life or “my” life. Life is not something anyone can truly drive or control, no matter how much effort we put in. This is one of the greatest myths of the secular world.
We need to restore the insight of childhood—the truth that “life is no one else’s.” Life is not something we are meant to control but something we are meant to “accept” and “embrace.” It is not a machine we steer but a reality we live within. It is a gift in which we are allowed to count blessings, not a possession to be mastered.
But let me be clear: this does not mean we should abandon effort. God forbid. We must still strive to make life meaningful and fulfilling. The difference is in our approach—we do not struggle to “drive” life as though it were our possession. Instead, we faithfully and humbly seek its blessings, working not to “control” but to “cooperate” with the greater order of life itself.
The Self-Help Trap
Many suffer under the myth that they must skillfully drive their own lives to reach success. This belief fuels the self-help industry—a never-ending cycle of books, courses, and motivational speeches. People jump from one self-help philosophy to another, searching for the secret to mastering life. But this endless search reveals their suffering.
We often hear the phrase:
God helps those who help themselves.
While this is true, it does not mean we must “drive” our lives. Even in this statement, the deeper truth remains: life is no one else’s—not even ours. Our efforts are not about controlling life but about fulfilling God’s will within it.
Without understanding this, people continue thirsting for self-improvement, seeking an illusionary mastery over life. The self-help industry thrives because it offers “glasses of salty water” in a desert—it promises satisfaction, but the more you drink, the thirstier you become.
No wonder self-help books remain bestsellers, and motivational articles garner thousands of likes and subscriptions. Influencers of modern and postmodern culture must ask themselves:
Are we merely selling glasses of salty water to those suffering under the illusion that they must drive their lives?
A Lesson from the Story
I recall a story from “Black Jack,” the manga by Osamu Tezuka, that embedded itself in my soul.
A terrorist attack caused an explosion in an urban area, killing many innocent people. A young woman working at a kiosk survived, but shards of glass destroyed her eyes. Yet she insisted she had seen the attacker’s face. If only she could regain her sight, she could identify the criminal.
The protagonist, Black Jack—a brilliant but unconventional surgeon—offered a solution: a temporary eye transplant. Due to nerve damage, she would only be able to see for fifteen minutes.
She agreed to the operation, identified the criminal, and helped bring justice. Then, knowing her vision would soon fade, she asked Black Jack to take her to the window. As she gazed at the sky, her sight gradually blurred into darkness, she whispered:
Goodbye, world…
Though saddened, she felt a deep sense of peace.
The Ultimate Realization
Life is filled with things beyond our control. Why? Because “life is no one else’s.”
You cannot control life. But paradoxically, life is yours, and yet it is not yours to control. Life simply “is”. If anything, we might say:
Life is God. And God is life.
But when we killed God, we fell into the delusion that life was our possession.
We often hear the metaphor: “Who is in the driver’s seat of your life?” People say: “Take control! Drive your destiny!” But the truth is—the car of life is not yours to drive.
In Christianity, we often say that Jesus Christ is the one seated in the driver’s seat. We are merely passengers in “His” car. Our role is not to control the journey but to care for one another, recognizing and counting our blessings along the way.
So let us step away from the illusion of self-mastery and return to the deeper truth: Life is not to be driven—it is to be lived.
Image by Enrique
Tom’s Blog 