In his letters, Apostle Paul emphasizes the value of being single. He often says that it’s better not to be married so we can devote our lives to God, instead of being bothered by the worldly affairs often associated with marriage life.
But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:32-33)
This thought of his seems impactful. Because of this, some Christian traditions respect celibacy for a devoted religious life, such as priesthood and life in religious orders by monks. But, of course, he didn’t completely deny married life; still, he himself seemingly believed that the single life could be ideal.
This belief likely stems from the first commandment Jesus mentioned: to love God with all your heart, mind, and strength. The implication seems to be that 100% of your life should be for God, “ideally.”
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. (Mark 12:30)
On the other hand, if you read Genesis from the Old Testament, you can also see that marriage, and moreover, any relationships with anyone and any creatures, should be valued with His concerns.
God made man in His image. But after a while, He found it not good for man to be alone. So, He created various creatures on earth. But even with all of them, God found none of them completely suitable for man. So, eventually, God decided to create a woman who could be a good partner for man.
In weddings, together with chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians, we usually hear this story from Genesis. The story symbolizes that both man and woman, hence, a husband and wife, should be the core, ideal “unit” of human relationships.
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18)
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (Genesis 1:27)
Reflecting on this story, I often think this way: Yes, God created man in His image. What does this mean? There could be many interpretations of “creating in His image.” Does this mean that man looks like God? If so, in what part and what sense? What is commonly said is that it refers to our free will.
Like God, we humans can make our own decisions with our free will. We are not puppets but conscious beings making our own choices. That’s why it is also often said that sinning was inevitable because of our free will. Instead of completely controlling us, God allows us to be free to make our own way.
While it is a sign of God’s love to keep us free, it is also a kind of risk, making us sinful. Eventually, God had to make another decision to save us from our sinfulness—not by controlling us but by keeping our freedom intact.
That decision was His sacrifice. He made Himself a man and humbled Himself to the extent of death on the cross. It is God’s ultimate love to keep us free while also saving us from sinfulness without controlling us.
And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. (Philippians 2:8)
And now, I also wonder: Why did God find that it was not good for man to be alone? Did He see man as lonely? Does this mean God Himself also feels loneliness?
As God created the world in Genesis, He also needed to make the world “worldly enough.” As such, He created various creatures, especially animals, which could be good partners for man. To some extent, animals can be good friends to man, as we know from pets like dogs, which are said to be man’s best friend. But then, eventually, God decided to create a woman as man’s ideal partner. That is the origin of married life in Christian tradition.
But then, reading this story, I always feel that because of these“partners,” all the problems in the world came into existence.
An animal, like the serpent, talked to Eve and tempted her to eat the fruit from the tree of wisdom. And Eve also talked to Adam and invited him to eat the same fruit with her. Then, suddenly, they became “self-conscious,” realizing they were naked.
This means they became aware of their existence, each other’s existence, and God’s existence. So, when God passed through, they hid themselves. They also became shy of each other in their “naked” presence. They tried to hide themselves by wearing fig leaves, which also symbolize human knowledge.
The world they lived in was no longer heavenly like the Garden of Eden but became “worldly.” They lost or left the heavenly garden and faced the “real” world, which is worldly enough and full of problems and issues caused by self-conscious existence, relationships, and knowledge.
And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. (Genesis 3:4-5)
And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons (Genesis 3:7)
Knowing this context and perspective, it’s no wonder Apostle Paul felt the way he did. He kept telling us that in marriage, we inevitably face various worldly concerns. So, for a religious life, it might be better to remain alone, like man was when he had nothing and no one but God.
But we must realize that Paul didn’t mean a single, unmarried life would automatically lead to ideal devotion to God. Such an idea is too naive and simplistic.
First of all, we must realize that we are inherently worldly beings as long as we are born into this world with our body and mind. It’s not just marriage but all relationships that affect us in many ways, even if we remain single. We ate the fruit of wisdom; thus, we are self-conscious beings, having relationships, and are beings of knowledge—lost or removed from the Garden of Eden.
But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:32)
So, what Paul meant was not to return to man when he was totally alone with God—which is, of course, impossible—but rather to encourage us, whether married or not, to find the solution God offered: redemption and forgiveness of sins through His sacrificial love. He gave His only begotten Son to save us from the sinfulness caused by our self-consciousness, relationships, and knowledge.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)
Because of our self-consciousness, relationships, and knowledge, we became sinful, seeing our place as very worldly. And realizing the impossibility of solving this problem—since it’s impossible to remove and deny our self-consciousness, relationships, and knowledge—our only solution is Jesus Christ.
That is why, even in married life, the best solution is not to indulge ourselves in our self-consciousness, relationships, and knowledge. In other words, we should not gaze at each other. If we do, we would be like Adam and Eve at the moment they realized they were naked, hiding themselves from God and blaming each other.
No wonder any relationship would fail in such a situation. Don’t look at each other. Forget yourself and the other. Forget each other. Instead, look in the same direction, toward the only solution God provided to save us from these sins: the Lord Jesus Christ.
When both of us forget each other and look in the same direction toward God, only then can we practice the two most important commandments of God: to love God with all your heart, mind, and strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself.
Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. (Matthew 22:36-39)
We often hear in marriage—or life in general—questions like: Who takes the driver’s seat? The husband or the wife? The answer is none of them. Let Jesus Christ take the driver’s seat in your life. Let God drive your life. Letting go is letting God. That is the only, best way we can embrace our lives gracefully and count our blessings abundantly.
Image by Viktoriya Yu
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